My friends, thank you for deciding to be supporters, and thank you for being peers and not bosses or role models. Bosses are a dime a dozen in our lives, and role models are people we choose, not ones who choose us. But peers are just what we need.
Peers are people who are in the same boat as we are, and who are our equals. That means people who must follow the same foul rules as we do, and who have ways of coping that we need to know about. Role models are expected to be perfect, but peers can fumble and make mistakes just like we do. Peers are fully human, and that welcomes us to be our fully human selves. Do not think you confuse us by telling us about your mistakes and failures. Those things are what make us feel close to you. Never fear making us be less than perfect. We have already mastered that before you came along. And don't worry about being a bad influence. We all watch TV and have enough bad influences already.
All we need from you are three things: time, respect, and information. Time is obvious, and the more the better. We mostly have way too much free time. Respect is not so observable as time, but is more important and not easy to establish if it is not there to begin with. My definition of respect is when one person assumes there is just as much chance that I am right as that he is. Good peer support is always from people who are eager to learn and that means people who don't mind being wrong a lot of the time. My sense of humor is always tickled by watching people who think they are perfect not succeed and then still think they've got to keep being perfect anyway. Respect means not getting stuck in that silly and dangerous place.
The third thing our supporters provide us with is information. Most typical people have information I would give anything for, but that is not what they want to share with us "monsters." I use that word because I think of Frankenstein and his monster. He is a good example of what happens when you try to control how another person grows and learns. Really, monsters are made with the good intentions of wise doctor Frankenstein to make a perfect man. Because each person needs a different set of facts to base his or her decisions on, each person also makes work for the support people to find out what pieces are missing. Not everyone needs to know what time it is, but some people base their whole lives on that fact. Not everyone needs to know how to ask politely for a bathroom, but some people have used gestures that got them in big trouble. And not everyone cares about football, but some people have opened doors to friendship with Superbowl comments.
So what information do you peer supporters have that we need? My guess
is that if you want to find out, we can tell you if you ask us. If that
doesn't work, give us some choices. Real support will include lots of stories
about you and your friends and your lovers and your parents. And real support
will help us in ways that will amaze both of us.